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I knew she was going to be home because she was always home on Mondays. As a makeup artist, mid-week to weekends were her own gig days, hence she always chose Mondays to relax at home. So, armed with three bars of Toblerone, I set to coax her into cooking me some delicious bolognese.
I walked into the house and made straight for Sara's bedroom.
"Sara," I called.
I narrowed my eyes. Sara's bed was neatly made, and she was standing before the mirror, dressed in jeans and an egg-yellow blouse, doing what she knew how to do best, carving her face.
"Babe, how was your day?" she greeted.
"Where are you going?"
"I h-a-v-e a d-a-t-e," Sara sang, jiggling her waist to the music.
There went my Indomie bolognese.
"You remember Dapo, the guy who walked up to us at Shoprite?"
I crossed my arms around my chest. "Nope."
Sara rolled her eyes. "Anyways, we've been chatting, and he asked me to meet him at Tantalisers in Bodija."
My frown deepened. "Why would he ask you to meet him at Tantalisers?"
She applied lipstick and pouted her mouth. "Awe, o de o. You have started again. What's the big deal in meeting a guy at Tanties?"
"There is no big deal in meeting a guy at Tanties. I just have a slight problem with where this might lead to. Don't you think it's too early to start seeing another guy? Ayoade's palaver is barely a month."
Sara turned to me. "You know it's easy for you to always lay things out in black and white, Awe. You keep talking about ideals because you are in a decent relationship. Guess what? Some of us are hoping and we can't afford your teeny weeny ideals."
Ouch! That hurt. Why do friends always think I have it all perfect just because I try to point out the obvious? I would love someone to do the same for me if they would only take time to observe and care. However, no matter what they thought about me, I would still say the truth if it would help us all get to have that successful relationship we all crave for.
I tried again. "Sara, it's these bits of ideals that turn into big issues in the future."
"Please, save this for another day, okay? This girl you are looking at is going on a date. Who knows, this might just turn out to be it."
"Alright, then." I raised my hands in surrender. It was time to shut up. "Let's get to know this guy before we start to judge."
A smile crept up her red-coloured lips. "Thanks, Sis. How do I look?"
"Perfect!" I said and found my way to my bedroom, my bars of Toblerone in my bag, to be useful another day.
I finally made the Indomie bolognese myself, even though I didn't get the satisfaction I craved for, and was about to wash my empty plate and pot when Sara called out to me.
I glanced at my watch and frowned. It wasn't up to two hours she had left for her date.
"In the kitchen," I yelled.
What's up? The guy didn't show? I thought.
Sara walked in.
"Hey, what's up? Bro. What's His Name didn't show?" I asked.
She eyed me and burst into a weird laughter. She laughed so much, her eyes began to tear up. I paused my washing and stared at her.
"What happened, Sara?"
"I've had my share of crazy men, Awe," she said in between laughs. "I don't think there are still any decent guys out there."
"Come on, girl. Out with it already!"
"He came in, alright," Sara narrated, "after about twenty minutes of holding me up, all dressed in suit and killer shoes. Just can't figure out the designer. Thinking of it now, it must have been Aba made." She burst into laughter again.
"Sara, be serious now!"
"I'm serious, jo," she said. "When he got to my table, he said, 'I'm so sorry I'm late. I had to stay longer at Iya Dapo's place to fill up my tummy. I was—"
"Hold up, who is Iya Dapo?" I asked.
Sara rolled her eyes. "His mum. His name is Dapo. Well, that was how I got to know all about Iya Dapo in the remaining fifteen minutes I spent there."
She deepened her voice to imitate Dapo's. "Do you know how to cook at all? Iya Dapo is the best cook in this world. Before I get married, my wife-to-be must first go for a three-month tutorial to learn from Iya Dapo…Iya Dapo, my mum, she is a superwoman, Iya ni Iya mi…yada yada yada."
My mouth was permanently shaped into an O. "This is unbelievable!"
"You better believe it, Awe." She clapped her hands. "I had to feign stomach upset and begged to leave. I didn't know the worst was not yet over."
"Ehn ehn?"
"He said, 'Wait, how much have you spent for food and how much is your transport fare?' and then made a show of searching his pockets, probably, for his wallet." Sara continued. "He looked at me with confused eyes, 'Ha, I must have lost my wallet when I was rushing down to meet you. It must have been the okada man. Don't worry I will reimburse you. I would even need to get transport fare from you till I can get home to transfer to your account."
"Seriously?" I said.
"I looked into his eyes and saw the lies and deception." Sara shook her head. "I thought, how did I end up here? And I started to laugh." Sara laughed again.
"Seriously, Sara, you laughed to his face?"
"Oh yes, I did. He was such a fool and I had to let him know. I just picked up my purse and walked out of the place."
"Ha, you left the guy stranded, Sara. At least you could have dashed him transport fare now."
"God forbid! I don't care if his behind walks all the way down to Iya Dapo's place. Foolish dude."
I burst into laughter and she joined in. This was really ridiculous and I couldn't wrap my head around it.
"Awe, I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier. You were right, I need a break."
"No problem, babe. It's okay," I replied.
"Hmmm, I need to spend time to rebuke all losers from my destiny in Jesus' name." She began to shake her head vigorously.
I burst into laughter. "Sara, you are not a serious person."
"Alright o. You will soon see that I'm serious," she said. "Look, I'm off to my room to watch movies, what I should have done in the first place."
"Yes, baby. Enjoy yourself," I replied.
"Scandal all the way." She smiled at me and walked out of the kitchen.
I shook my head at the funny story I just heard. Three-month tutorial from a future mother-in-law. Really? Seriously, some guys need to grow up.
Then, single ladies need to take a chill pill in the area of searching for Mr Right. Some guys are like sharks that smell blood. They smell desperation and go in for the kill, begin to treat a lady anyhow once they sense that she desires a relationship badly or she's limited in her choices.
I would keep praying earnestly for my dear friend to find her Prince Charming and for my own relationship not to scatter, too. Every good thing needs prayers, ain't it?
…to be continued.
This story or any of its series may not be copied, reproduced or transmitted without acknowledgement of the original author—Oresanya Adeyinka J. Thank you for respecting the author’s work. This story is purely a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, localities, organisations or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and beyond the intent of the author. |
